Thing’s Will Never Be The Same

Im currently placed on hold by an Indian DSL technician. They have super-cool hold music now. Mostly Coldplay, James Blunt and a host of white trash emo. They’ve changed. It’s still the same kind of shitty tech-support masked with a more benevolent hold music. I will never be able to dig any of their Bollywood tunes.

Everything’s superficial. Having said that, for a fleeting moment, which is the standard attention span of most individuals my age, it’s not too bad for me to mask out some personal moments which I think people will judge my whole life with. I know I’m fine but my life’s not perfect.

One of my friend’s status message in her MSN messenger is FAKE IT TIL ITS REAL.

Life’s got tons of pressure on everybody, including me, that I don’t think I can bear any unwanted external cynicism on top of it. And so we fake, we flake. It’s a defense mechanism, natural ability shown by all members of the animal kingdom. There’s this insect that actually is an orchid so as not to be eaten away by other insects. I don’t want to be viewed weak, yet something’s eating me up inside. Everybody masks something.

At any rate, the hold music rolls on, streaming through phone lines, Mumbai to Manila. Much like my life, sudden changes that seem to stick for some time until the next change comes along. Until the old me get’s forgotten by me. Or so I say.

Clocks by Coldplay plays on the phone as I wait for Pritish to come back. Been at this for four years. Im not complaining, but im not satisfied either.

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna, come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know  

Coldplay - Clocks

Duncan Sheik Mode

Barely Breathing (Duncan Sheik)

Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame Will it ever change?