The Girl WhoTotally Lost It

I went to Quiapo with my crew to get DVDs and eat some authentic Chinese food in downtown Manila. I was blowing my dead locks when I received this text.

C.E. :Naging kayo pala ni P****?. [You hooked up with P**** before?]

At first I didn’t know which P***** he/she was talking about. I only know two P****s in my life. One was from back in college who I hang out with. NO SEX ladies and gents. And the other one who’s one of a string of 19 year old dates I had lately. So none of them two can qualify as someone I had relationship. So I was puzzled. So I replied asking who he/she was, the sender.

C.E.: You dont need to know.

KAMLON: OK. Bye.

C.E.: You are both disgusting!

KAMLON: Hey moron! Who’s this P**** that youre talking about? I didn’t that I did hook up with him. You’re mom’s a biatch! Tell me who you are so I can cuss at you in the face!

C.E.: That wont happen Kamlon because you won’t see me ever again.

KAMLON: You know my name! Ha! I have a buncha P****s in my life and none of them went to becoming my BF. Are you on crack?

C.E.: LIAR! It’s just sad that I considered you my friend. You and P**** tricked me. You should really end up with each other. You’re gays!

KAMLON: Tricked you. Did this P**** cheated on you. You guys should be the ones to talk about this then. Don’t pull me in this scene. I don’t know you and you can’t even tell me who you are.

C.E. WOW. Stop that clueless drama of yours!

I didn’t text for a while coz I was on my cab headed for Mike’s place.

C.E.: You’re such a coward. That’s so gay of you. Dont act dumb KAMLON. I know you know me.

Then I realized that this has to be C.E. (she’s a girl btw.). Coz the latter P**** that I know, the 19 year old, has no partner as of the moment. And even if he has, gays dont normally go to such extents as picking up a fight with former flings of their exes.

 A little bit of trivia. Y’all know that I’ve always been gay. Hid it from a group of friends. Outed on some. It’s all a matter of choice for me. Coz outing myself to a certain group of people affects my dealings with them and them to me in return. So for their welfare I decided not to disclose my sexual preference. I was already with Joel at that time when I decided to go on hiatus from all of them. It was sad coz my last 2 years in college was spent with them. But I have to do it. They’re not the kind who could take things like that cool. I don’t want to degenerate them. Especially P**** who I considered the closest to me. Two years after, Joel and I broke up and I decided to finally out myself to P**** thinking that 2 years down the road could’ve made some good time for them to be more liberated and mature in dealing with genderbender issues like mine. P**** accepted me. I was happy and planned on outing myself to the rest of the crew. Everyone else was busy so we, P**** and me,  decided that I do it personally. I regularly caught up with him via Friendster. And on the last message I sent him I said something like me hanging out with all of them and tell them of it. And that the last few days I wasn’t talking to him I was dealing with my break up with Joel. Now that I’m fine I can hang out with them and tell all of them of my issues.

That’s what I think what ticked C.E. to think that P**** and me had something in the past. Which makes her fucked-up certain that P**** is also gay. Hence, disgusting. NOT TRUE C.E.! The line in that Friendster message wherein P**** told me:

I didn’t tell the gang “ABOUT IT”. I want you to tell them personally.

So you might be asking am I certain that C.E. is the one hounding me and blaming me indirectly for their breakup. READ ON!

KAMLON: Whoever you are don’t be assuming. Maybe that’s the reason why P**** left you. Youare so damn paranoid.

C.E. I was the one who broke up KAMLON. I BROKE UP WITH HIM. I can’t take him anymore.

KAMLON: Are you Ci***? Ci*** E***? I totally symphatize for what happened for you and P****. But I’m not hiding anything as you’ll soon find out. P**** is not gay!

C.E.: I don’t need your symphaty and I dont believe you.

KAMLON: I’m mature enough to know Ci*** that I don’t pursue this kind of conversation.

C.E.: WHATEVER!

So in conclusion. Let me clear things up. It’s unncessary but I think I’m obliged to say something because one of my closest friends is involved and being accused of cheating and of being gay. First off, I did not have any relations with P****. We were friends. We are still friends even after I outed myself to him. And you know little girl for a fact that I was out the picture from July 2006 to the present. You wanna know who I was with bitch? I was with a certain Joel all that time. NOT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. If your relationship fucked up, dont blame it on the gay guy. And certainly dont tell me that he was gay all this time. Coz that doesn’t sound nice. You dated a fag, straight girl? That’s what I’m getting from you. LMAO!

As my friend said, who I have told of your fit against me, you CI***, totally lost it! I’ll stay friends with P****. And ill make sure you’ll feel like shit while watching us enjoying ourselves.

First Draft Beer In Three Months

T.W.E.: How nasty was the last gay bar youve gone to Marlon?

Kamlon: Chinese Restaurant nasty.

I just got home from a beer and pizza sit down party at Shakey’s with some very good friends. Had lotsa laugh. This is what makes me go through my life these days — Friends. Also, yesterday, at Mike’s place we had Margarita and Madonna. Mike was mad at me, well he’s always mad at me for something as random as me not bringing lime for the margarita. The margarita sucked Mike. Haha.

Over draft beer, I realized one truth in life. Everybody changes, and the realization often times is bittersweet. Not that I resent liking this friend of mine circa 2005. I’m a sucker for white ass Americans. So while sitting, him munching pizza. Us enjoying each other’s wits. Us looking at each other and knowing whats the butt of the joke, which is a third of the time me. Haha. I realized that we’ve grown. There was a time we liked each other, romantically. I was here stuck with an efficient lover. Him there trying to find his way back into love. Sitting right next to each other earlier, talking of failed romances and random mishaps called flings. I reckoned that our failures brought us back together. It’s good to have him back.

I personally have vowed that Ill go on dates until I find an uncompromisible partner. This is in stark difference from what I did a year ago. I believed that there’s a boyfriend material in all of my dates. He vowed that while he’s here studying, he’d meet guys but with no view of a committed relationship. I think its working for both of us. Were not as sappy and downhearted as we were 3 years ago. I told him, eyes away from his, All’s a mind game. He looked at me and just swigged his draft beer. And I realized something’s stay emblazoned. He’s still the brooding kind.

I smile inside everytime he laughs. I dont feel any romantic inclination to this friend of mine anymore. For once I can say that I’m happy for someone that I used to pour my heart for. He’s making big decisions now in his life. And I told him with a big hug, that we’re gonna make it happen for him this time.

My life is going through huge changes now. I probably am resigning from my job once my sister graduates from college. Get a decent day job. Move in with my bandmates. At this point I can’t afford even the slightest hitch. I told myself one night that I’ll take it slower this time. Take the time again to let the world pass before me. Focus is not always synonymous to self-absorption. Get ready Kamlon. You’re life is but starting. And this time it’s real.

It Have Lights